I Die.

Alexander McQueen’s 2009 Pre-Fall collection is perfect.
Yeah, I said it. It’s perfect.

After that disastrous Target experiment, it seemed impossible that a recovery was even within the realm of possibility, but this… This. Spectacular point of view, tongue-in-cheek theme, a flawlessly wearable color story, accessorized and tailored within an inch of its life. I die. A thousand deaths.

 

This Fucking Kid.

This is Arlo Weiner.

Arlo is named after famed jazzist Arlo Guthrie. His dad is Mad Men creator/writer Matt Weiner. For his sixth birthday, Arlo asked for a top hat for “Sunday brunches because they’re more formal than Saturday brunches.” For his seventh, he asked for a sewing machine so that he can begin designing and making his own clothes. Once, Beck saw Arlo walking down the street in New York City and was so taken by his head-to-toe plaid ensemble (flawlessly matched within an inch of its life by Arlo himself), that he followed him for ten blocks, guffawing with praise the whole way. Ron L. Hubbard didn’t even come up once. At eight, Arlo is immesureably cooler than I will ever be. Ever. He makes me look like Louis Skolnick to his James Dean.

This is why Arlo is an asshole.
Fuck you, Arlo.

Steal This Steez: The Deconstructed Schoolgirl

I have seen incarnations of this all over New York lately and I love it as a casual daytime work look. It takes elements of a classic school uniform and puts a disheveled spin on it with chunky vintage accessories, comfy flats and an ease of wear that’s perfect for transitioning into after-work activities. Here’ what you need:

• Shrunken little boy blazer –  I lurrrrve the sport coats from the Brooks Brothers’ little boys department. A Size 10 Husky (don’t laugh) fits the average Size 8 woman – and I love the close fit in the armhole and the way the sleeves hit right above the wrist bone, making the blazer perfect for accessorizing. Bonus points for the undercollar lining in maroon wool felt – looks great when worn up. My favorite is the Classic Three-Button Prep Blazer with sporty patch pockets and engraved gold buttons.
• Casual silk top – Choose something with breezy, t-shirt details like a henley placket or buttoned pockets. Pick a top with a little room to breathe so that it drapes well when it’s tucked into a skirt. I love this soft washed silk yoked stripe top from Reiss for it’s casual banded crewneck and double button placket.
• High-waisted tulip skirt – Something in a neutral is best so as not to compete with the top or the blazer, so find fun in details or texture. Pick a skirt with a 1″ waistband or bigger to accomodate a belt – I love this Jenni Kayne tulip skirt for it’s great shape and flirty exposed back zip detail.
• Chunky heart pendant necklace – There is something adorably childlike about heart-shaped accessories; they are reminscent of things we would have loved when we were little girls. I love cutie patootie Alexa Chung’s layered necklaces featuring a giant plastic heart pendant. I’ve been coveting Marc by Marc Jacobs’s Heart Watch Pendant for quite some time now – so chunky and cute – and – bonus – it tells time!
• Round toe flats – A classic ballet shape is consistent with this look’s good girl gone bad aesthetic, so keep it a round or almond toe with a low vamp. J. Crew’s flats are always adorable, fit beautifully, and will last a lifetime – I love the color and crackly leather on these Jane Ballet Flats.
• Bright skinny belt – a 1/2″ belt in a bright pop color is an accessory every fashion maven should have in her closet – it lifts up an LBD, adds color to a drab neutral palette, or cinches a t-shirt into a great weekend warrior look. I love this red one from Miu Miu because it has bright color, shine, and a cool-but-casual double wrap configuration.

I’m Over It: Ray Ban Wayfarer Sunglasses

Seriously folks, there are three people on the planet Earth who ever made Wayfarers look cool – James Dean, Andy Warhol, and Audrey Hepburn. They’re all dead now. Can this whole thing die too? Wayfarers are unfortunately misshapen and unflattering to most faces, they epitomize nerdiness (and not in a hip, vintage throwback way), and reached their plateau of popularity in the late Fifties. You can’t slap a coat of brightly colored paint on something that died with the times and assert it as the new irony of fashion when the last people to proprietize it as their signature were the likes of Corey Feldman and Lewis Skolnick. It does not compute. Are we really that low on sun-shielding options that we have to ratchet down to trends from bygone eras? What’s next, bootlegging and speakeasies?

The Alex Forrest Files: The Body Shop’s Neroli Jasmin Shower Gel

In college, I had this ex-boyfriend, Drew, who had an over-cologning problem (that’s a real word, by the way). Needless to say, things didn’t work out – not because he was an over-cologner, but because his zeal with the spray bottle was merely a symbol of a myriad of other self-centered dysfunctions – but he was incredibly hot so the shelf life of our relationship kept getting shelved. Anyway… At the end of our nights together, he would jump into the can for his obligatory pre-bed shower (another oddly compulsive behavior that should have been an indicator of the tumults to come, but I digress), and wash off the excess of his extremely pungent, musky perfume – and all that would be left behind was the faint scent of soap, organic of course, and whatever leftover warm bottom notes had nuzzled their way into the abysses of his dermis over the course of the night. He would hop into bed and I would bury my face into his chest and inhale deeply. That was the highlight of our relationship.

This Body Shop stuff smells just like recently showered Drew. And it’s $12.50. It’s super sophisticated and I feel like a grown up using it, even though I snicker every time I see the words “gel douche” written on the bottle. Retire that Satsuma and buy it already.

The New Hotness.

You: whip-smart, witty style maven with a penchant for hilarity.

Me: whip-smart, witty style maven with a penchant for hilarity and the motivation to put it into a crappy blog. Almost tenured downtown New Yorker with a love for all things beautiful and a voracious appetite for sharing it with the world in a real-life way. Life goals – bridge the gap between sexy and sensible, always be the first to know everything, marry Adrian Brody, be photographed for the New York Magazine style section, find eternal bliss. In that order.

This whole thing: a place to share with all of you. Appearances by: rants, hilarity, shoes, steez, my boyfriend New York City, shoes, dissecting and glorifying celebrities all at once, tunes, flicks, projects, empowerment, shoes, gripes, loves, advice, shoes. It’s like The Sartorialist without the weird. Like WWTDD without the misogyny. Like GOOP without the suck.

Welcome. Come one come all.